Written June 21, 2017
Since my last post in March, a lot has happened.
I left off with going back to the doctor to see if an egg was stimulated and unfortunately, there was no stimulated egg. My ultrasound tech said that my doctor would call me with the next steps.
The call came while I was at work and I listened while sitting in my parked car after work. “This step does not seem to be working, come in for another ultrasound and we will discuss your options. We will most likely go ahead with IVF.” I would be skipping months of the TTC and jumping to my last step, my last hope. I cried, I hurt and I was scared.
At every step in this journey, doctors kept assuring me that the next step would work, and they just didn’t. We kept getting reassured by seemingly everyone that medicine has gotten so advanced, but none of it was working for me.
I was so heartbroken. Alex was away for work and couldn’t get home and I found comfort in my parents and my in-laws. Phone calls, some retail therapy and some projects for the future to keep my mind filled with positivity went a long way in helping to soothe.
The next appointment was a consultation with my doctor and we went over all the IVF steps again. We decided to get the process started. In addition to the paperwork and insurance approval, I needed a new medication to shed my uterine lining and a few more ultrasounds before we could go ahead with IVF. We had a two hour appointment with a nurse to go over the shots, how to fill the syringe, how to give yourself a shot, when to give the injections and what will be done with the eggs they harvest. It was an overload of information and honestly I don’t remember most of it.
This morning, I had my last ultrasound before the injections start. My uterus looks good, my blood work is good, but my insurance company needs more forms filled out before giving approval.
Getting the IVF medication filled was a nightmare, but after an hour and a half on the phone with my doctor, the insurance and my specialty pharmacy we finally got the majority of the medication filled. I had been feeling pretty chill about everything and had planned on spending the day outside in the sun, now I am frazzled, anxious and spending the day in bed.
Looking back on my experience so far, I never thought I would get to the point of needing IVF. I knew I had fertility issues because of PCOS but I was a young and healthy woman, surely there was some pill or noninvasive procedure I could use to ovulate and BOOM have a baby. IVF is something I thought was so far beyond my fertility journey, but here I am, about to start IVF.
To prepare myself for the next step, I will focus on being positive. I will remind myself that there is a baby in my future. I will pray that I can adult enough to do this right. I will keep myself positive and hope that one day this will happen for me.