June 1, 2013: I am officially a married woman!
June 2, 2013: When are we having babies?
My poor, wonderful, understanding and kind husband. He is a SAINT! I have always loved babies and have wanted to be a mom my entire life. I truly believe that I was meant to be a mother. I did not do a great job hiding those feelings from my husband (even at 16 when we met) and he has constantly been supportive and incredible on my road to motherhood.
Something that helped Alex and I in this process was going to therapy. Really it was THE THING that helped us. We both wanted a family but we couldn’t work out the particulars by ourselves. I wanted to start trying the day after we got married, Alex wanted to wait until we were more settled. Having a family is not a simple decision. We fought, yelled, threw low blows and cried for months. We couldn’t work out the best way to start our family. We needed a third person to help us, guide us and not make us feel bad for saying what we really felt. We found a therapist who made both of us feel comfortable and made us feel that we could work this out, even when we felt hopeless. After a few months of weekly therapy sessions we decided on this…
Alex and I knew we wanted to graduate college before we had kids, so we did that (even though it took a while), we knew we wanted good jobs before we had kids (that happened surprisingly fast), then we knew we wanted to get a house before we had kids (again, took a while but we did that too). Now we had our degrees, our jobs and our house. We decided that 2015 was going to be our year!
January 2015 came and I (with supervision from my doctors) went off the majority of my medications, including birth control. My doctors wanted to see if because I had been on birth control for so long my body would just magically start having a regular period. So for three months we waited to see if that happened, it didn’t. We decided to go to an OBGYN and see what she said. We did tests, ultrasounds, blood work, exams and came to the conclusion that I was going to start a fertility medication called Letrozole. We started on the lowest dosage and would slowly work our way up to the highest dosage over five months if I did not ovulate.
Month one-No period.
Month two-No period.
Month three-No period.
Month four-No period.
Month five- PERIOD!
Month five was January 2016, six months after first seeing our OBGYN. So although we had already spent six months “trying” it wasn’t really trying because I wasn’t ovulating. Now I was ovulating, I had to track my cycle. Well, my body decided that wasn’t going to be easy either. Tracing from January to June, I had a 39 day cycle, a 34 day cycle, another 34 day cycle, a 32 day cycle, and a 38 day cycle. Remember a normal cycle is 28 days long, also for some reason ovulating tests were not accurate for me and I was told not to bother with them at all. I was getting my period, but we had no idea when I was ovulating…that part is pretty important when you are trying to conceive a baby.
June 2016 we switched medications to Clomid, another fertility drug. Six months of that and the cycles got weirder; 34, 40, 37, 36, and 38. We went back to Letrozole because I was at least having more regular periods with that drug. My doctor said that I can keep along the path we were on and I might get pregnant, but she also suggested that I should go to a specialist.
That is where I am now, waiting to see a specialist in February and hoping that they tell me something good. Something happy.
My experience is hard and daunting. My experience is sad and depressing. My experience is scary and painful, but my experience is not unique. I am not the only woman who struggles with infertility. It is a long and stressful path and I know that one way or another I will be a mother. My husband and I could get pregnant, we could adopt, we could have a surrogate; we have so many more options to consider. We will be parents one day, I will be able to look back at this blog and say “I am so glad that part is over!”
Next time, a little bit from Alex on the process.