Dark day


I debated about writing this, but decided that I am human, I have shortcomings, I am far from perfect and there is nothing wrong with that.

In the last few days of August Alex and I drove up to Duluth to pack up his things so he could move to the cities for the job of a lifetime! While I was over the moon for him and us and our future, I was really, REALLY sad. The entire car ride to Duluth (about 3 hours) I couldn’t look at the road (he was driving), I couldn’t talk to him. If I did either of those things I would have started crying and I didn’t want to be sad. I wanted to be happy for him and excited for us, but I couldn’t help but feel sad. He was leaving me; I was going to be alone! We have had seven years of spending every second together then us being pulled apart, for good reasons, yes but pulled apart none the less, and yet again we have to be apart.

September 1st, he left. He drove away and I cried. Then next day was the last day of summer and then I would have to self-motivate everyday to get things done and I was out of practice. Alex was always there to motivate me to give me advice to just be a friendly face. September was hard; Alex and I didn’t get to be together until the 26th! Those 26 days were hard, but I made it through (thank God for skype!), don’t get me wrong, I cried, and complained and felt lonely! It was really hard! 

This past weekend Alex and his sister came to visit and we had a lot of fun! We went out to eat, we saw Gravity (awesome movie, go see it!), we all three snuggled, we watched How I met your mother and it was great! Then Sunday came and they had to leave, I’ve decided it is easier for me to leave him on Sundays than for him to leave me. When I leave I have to drive 3-ish hours, I can’t be crying the whole time so I just jam out in the car and by the time I get home I’m hungry or I have homework and I don’t think about him not being with me, but when he leaves all I have to do is think about how alone I am. 

This last Sunday he left and I was really sad. I didn’t sleep that night, the only way I can think to describe it is gray and down. When I think about feeling like that I imagine big dark clouds rolling in for a hard rainstorm. So Monday turned out to be the worst day I’ve had since he left. I struggled to get out of bed, I felt lost. I felt starving and no amount of food could fill me up. I made myself take a bath to try to relax, no good, it just left me pruney, soaking wet and depressed. I tried to talk to Alex but was so not me I got mad at him for absolutely nothing and didn’t call him the rest of the day. Eventually he and I skyped and he was his amazing self and cheered me up a bit. That night a slept like a rock, got up the next day and felt so much better. I went to school and things were fine.

In 2009 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Whoa, total shock, right!? Here is my reason for sharing this story, some day’s suck! Some day’s I want to stick my head in the sand and let the world pass me by, some days I want to feel like a rainstorm is rolling in. Some day’s I think that will make me feel better. A lot of people hide their depression and while there is nothing wrong with that, I found out that I had depression from someone sharing their story with me. They told me how some day’s they wanted to close out the world, they wanted to disappear, I wouldn’t have gone to the doctor, and I wouldn’t have gotten help if this person didn’t talk openly about their depression.

If someone’s reads this, can relate and gets help than me being a little embarrassed is totally worth it! While I have days that I feel awful, I have so many more days that I feel invincible! Because Alex shared his depression story with me I got help!

Getting help is not a weakness! If you had the flu you would go to the doctor, depression is a chemical imbalance! It is nothing to be ashamed of!


New job


I am expensive. I like nice thing. I am high maintenance. I take a lot of work.

My husband and I are pretty similar in those aspects. We both want to live a life of luxury, the bad thing about that is we are poor.

My paycheck has dwindled down as I cut back my hours to focus on finishing up my last semester at school.

We had been planning on Alex graduating in May 2013 and working at Best Buy until I graduate in December 2013. This would have been awful, but we would have some income and we would be grateful, not really happy, but grateful! He sent out resumes and packets of his work to a few companies but we weren’t expecting anything from them.

Then everything changed…

One day as we were driving through a winding back road detour on our way to Duluth, Alex got a phone call. It was from a hockey sales company that he had sent his resume to. The rep would be in town the next week and wanted to interview Alex. WOW!!! Alex sent in his resume really to just get his name out there, we never thought he would get an interview. As he is arranging a time for the interview he gets an email from a sports store asking if he would be available to meet for an interview. The sports store was much more likely and would still look great on his resume. So he set up interviews for both companies!

The next week he went to the cities for the interviews and they BOTH went great. Life went back to normal for a few days and then while at work Alex got a voice mail from the sports store offering him a job! We were through the roof! It was going to be a job that he would love and would be a great stepping stone for the future. He called his dad to break it down and he told us that the hockey sales company called him for a reference. They told him that Alex was a contender. WHAT!!!? I was over the moon happy for Alex! What great news!

Alex had been an intern with his dads company Rixe Sports Marketing. He worked with youth hockey players in demos where they we able to try out the newest Reebok/CCM equipment. Working for Reebok/CCM was all he had wanted for as long as he could remember. Unfortunately, there weren’t any openings and he really wanted to get a career job. Fortunately for us, word got out that he was interviewing with a hockey sales company that wasn’t Reebok/CCM and that wasn’t sitting too well with the executives at Reebok/CCM. One more call, this one from Reebok/CCM and a phone interview was set up with a new manager in Boston. The job wasn’t going to start until January 1, 2014 but Reebok/CCM didn’t want to lose him to a competitor. He killed the interview and just three hours later was offered a job with Reebok/CCM in their FaST program. This was a new program that would require Alex to professionally do what he did as an intern. It was the perfect job for him right out of college. In the meantime his dad needed him to work with him as they were moving to a new office.   

Alex gave notice at Best Buy, leaving the safety of his college job and we packed all of his things up from our home in Duluth and moved him to the cities all within a week. He got a phone call from his new boss explaining that there was a sales meeting in Florida in a week and if she had it her way he would be going. After a few days of uncertainty it was decided that there wouldn’t be enough money for him to go on the trip since he technically wasn’t working for the company until January. Alex was fine with that he hadn’t expected that he was important enough to go but a few days later he got another phone call from his boss letting him know that even though it wasn’t in the budget he would be going on the sales trip. Alex’s boss talked to her boss, who talked to his boss, who talked to his boss (one of the top dogs in Reebok/CC hockey) and the top dog decided that he wanted Alex there. So we scrambled again and got everything he needed for a week long sales trip in Florida.

Now Alex is back from the sales trip, helping his dad move offices, working so hard and still visiting me in Duluth when he can. This has been a very busy year for Alex (graduated from college, got married, quit his job, got a career, and moved away from his new wife) and still he is calm, cool and collected. He has worked so hard to be a great provider for our newly started family and I couldn’t be more proud of him.

There are still a few things in the works for him with his new job and even though it will be extremely, hard for both of us, I know it is going to be for the best!

I love this man more than I can express and I am so blessed and honored to be his wife. I don’t think our high standards will change, but now we can afford to be high maintenance! 

Can’t wait to see what our future holds!Image